The Owls and the Pussycats
Burnley 2 Sheffield Wednesday 7
Report by Pauline Pratley
Answer the following questions about today's match by selecting the correct
answer(s). You have ninety minutes, plus stoppage time.
Question One
Before the game, did you think:
i) Surely we should beat Sheffield Wednesday? After all, they're already relegated.
ii)
I reckon it'll be 0-0.
iii) Should be a good display - after all, a lot of our players will be playing
for new contracts, so they're bound to play well.
Question Two
Before the game, did the players think:
i) Surely we should beat Sheffield Wednesday? After all, they're already
relegated.
ii)
Surely Sheffield Wednesday should beat us? After all, we're crap.
iii) I won't bother trying. I'm bound to get a new contract - Burnley should
be honoured that I've played for them at all.
Question Three
Before the game, did Stan think:
i) Surely we should beat Sheffield Wednesday? After all, they're already relegated.
ii)
OK - what excuses can I use if they beat us?
iii) I'd rather be doing my roses.
Question Four
During the game, did you think:
i) My, this is entertaining! I've never seen anything like this before!
ii) What's that film... Groundhog Day?
iii) What a fantastic team we have. I'm glad I got up at the crack of dawn and
travelled over two hundred miles to see them.
Question Five
During the game, did the players think:
i) My, this is difficult! I can only count to five.
ii) I'm bound to be offered a new contract now.
iii) Goodness, those fans are so demanding. What do they think we are,
footballers or something?
Question Six
During the game, did Stan think:
i) Don't we kick off at three? Why are all those people on the pitch already?
ii) OK - what excuses can I use now they're beating us?
iii) I'd rather be doing my roses.
Question Seven
After the game, did you say:
i) Get me the Samaritans' phone number.
ii) Oh well - it's just a temporary blip.
iii) I'd rather be cutting my roses / toenails / throat.
Question Eight
After the game, did the players say:
i) Get me my agent's phone number.
ii) Oh well - it's just a temporary blip.
iii) I'm rather pleased with my performance today. Man Utd / Arsenal / Walton
Casuals will be sure to sign me after that.
Question Nine
After the game, did Stan say:
i) Blame ITV Digital.
ii) Who moved the kick-off without telling us?
iii) It's worse than five years ago.*
*Since which
time, the manager has been... erm... wait a minute... ah yes: YOU,
Stan.
Question Ten
When you read through questions 1-9, did you start to i) feel sick;
ii) feel despondent; iii) laugh hysterically? If yes to any or
all of these, you must have been at the game.
Truly, I had
never before seen anything like it. Having been ill most of the season,
I'd missed a lot of matches, and so today's game was a complete
and utter shock.
I'd
never seen
Burnley
concede seven goals, and I certainly didn't expect us to do so against
a team that had already been relegated from the division. In fact,
before the game I was quite confident that we'd win - perhaps 2-1
or something similar. (No, I wasn't naive enough to think we'd
keep a clean sheet!) Having not seen the team so much
this season, I was perhaps a bit more optimistic than most - obviously
I'd heard all the reports etc, but sometimes you have to see things
for yourself before you quite get the measure of them.
Despite still feeling
a bit under the weather, I was determined to be at the Turf to say
goodbye to Cooky (my all-time favourite Burnley player) and Payton.
They were given a great send-off by the Claret faithful, which was
good to see.
I barely had time
to scan the programme before the teams ran out. It was mostly the
usual suspects (and some of them certainly were suspect), but I was
pleased to see Chaplow starting the game. We'd gone for a fairly
attacking line-up, with Ian Moore, Blake and Taylor all present,
and I felt sure we'd be able to score.
Sheffield Wednesday
included the ageing Pressman in their line-up, and one-time alleged
Burnley target Shefki Kuqi up front.
They had brought
fantastic support with them - the away end looked full, and the fans
were in
good voice, obviously intending to enjoy their
last away game in Division One (at least for a while). I'm sure
at that moment they had no idea exactly how enjoyable for them the
match
was to prove.
I was still chatting
to the chap next to me when the Owls' first goal went in. It was
around two-and-a-half minutes into the match, and, as with so many
goals against us this season, it came out of nothing. Wednesday
midfielder Paul McLaren had a speculative shot from distance - and
I do mean distance - which somehow crept past NTG and into the net.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Somehow, it didn't seem real
- some kind of joke, perhaps? Even I would undoubtedly have saved
it. People near me, though, who'd been to the Forest away game, said
that NTG had done exactly the same thing there. Warning bells started
to ring faintly at the back of my mind.
Anyway, there
was a bit of booing, but most people seemed to be in a state of shock.
And
then - it happened again, although NTG was perhaps less culpable
this time. Someone crossed the ball from the left; The London Clarets'
King Arthur had chance to clear the ball, but left it. Ashley Westwood
was completely unmarked on the far post, and tapped in easily. Five
minutes gone. At this rate, we'd end up losing 36-0. Was this football,
or rugby?
Stan took off the
blameless McGregor (why is it always him?), and brought on Paddy's
namesake, Matty O'Neill. Amazingly, the tactic seemed to work,
and we even managed to shut up shop for the next half-hour or so.
NTG seemed
to recover
his composure, and made a few decent saves. We had some chances,
too - Blake coming closest with a just-wide shot that had
Pressman beaten. Those bells were getting louder, though.
In the twentieth
minute, Ian Moore turned up the volume a bit louder when he clashed
with Preston reject Brian Barry-Murphy close to the touchline on
our right. I actually didn't see what happened - it seemed to be
a bit of six of one and half-a-dozen of the other - but the referee
was in no doubt, and pulled out the red card straightaway. (Subsequently,
Stan was to say that Mooro had "got what he deserved", for kicking
the Wednesday player.)
A few minutes later,
Kevin Pressman
had to be substituted,
having
picked up some kind of injury or other. The highly-rated youngster
Chris Stringer came on to replace him. He'd only been on the pitch
a few minutes when he was leaping around celebrating Wednesday's
third. General headless-chickenism in our penalty area resulted in
Richard Wood - unmarked, of course - scuffing the ball into our
net. Thirty-two minutes. Apparently it was his first senior goal.
Enough said.
We then lost our
goalkeeper, when he collided with Kuqi. I say collided, but from
where I was sitting, it didn't seem to be anything much. It must
have been more serious than it looked, though, as he had to be stretchered
off - to generous applause from the Wednesday supporters (less generous
perhaps from the Burnley faithful). Marlon took his place in goal.
Surely he couldn't be any worse?
Astoundingly, we
then scored. Someone handled in the box, and eventually - hampered
by the fussy referee, who made no allowance for the wind - Blake
slotted home.
Half time. 3-1.
Could we come back?
As if. People were
still returning to their seats when youngster Richard Evans, playing
in only his fourth senior game (notice a pattern here?) put in a
weakly-hit cross from the left. It duly flew over Beresford
and into the net. Forty-seven minutes. 4-1.
We then got one
back, and this time it was due to a goalkeeping error at the other
end. Robbie Blake hit a shot from distance, which Stringer appeared
to save. The next thing, it was in the back of the net. Perhaps we
should sign him?
That was to be
the end of our goals for the day. Going forward, we hadn't actually
looked too bad - Taylor, Blake and Branch (by now, pushing on) were
playing well. It was easy to forget that we were a man down. Unfortunately,
in our own half of the pitch, we were unremittingly dreadful. More
general headless-chickenism, and defender Steve Haslam took full
advantage. Sixty-six minutes; 5-2.
After seventy-three
minutes, it was 6-2, when Arthur turned a right-wing cross into his
own net. He was slightly unlucky, though, as the cross was so good
that
he
had to try to clear it.
The Owls crowned
their display with an excellent goal from midfielder Alan Quinn in
the eightieth minute. It was a shot from outside the penalty area,
and for once no blame was attached to our keeper.
I can't remember
what happened in the last ten minutes. It was of no consequence.
At the final whistle, hordes of "fans" - some too young to know any
better, others too stupid - invaded the pitch. Predictably, the stewards
and police did nothing. Even more predictably, there was then
an announcement that due to the pitch invasion, the team would not
be coming back out - although they were probably grateful for the
excuse. I would still like to have applauded the players, though;
there have been some good individual displays this season
(particularly Branch and Taylor), and we did have two good Cup runs.
The youngsters have also done extremely well.
Anyway, this was
the last game of the season for me, as I'll be boycotting Franchise
FC
away.
There needs to be some serious surgery over the summer,
or we'll be worrying more about relegation than the play-offs.
Team (Brownian motion): Michopoulos (Beresford, 37), Gnohere,
Steve Davis, Branch, McGregor (O'Neill, 8), Maylett (Armstrong, 56), Grant,
Chaplow, Blake, Ian Moore (sent off, 21), Taylor.
Subs not used: Rasmussen, Waine.
Scorers: (Burnley) Blake 42 (pen), 53 / (Sheffield Wednesday)
McLaren 3, Westwood 5, Wood 32, Evans 47, Haslam 66, Gnohere 73 (o.g.),
Quinn 80.
Attendance: 17,435.
Referee: M Clattenburg (Northumberland).
Pauline's man of the match: Graham Branch.
"As with all articles on the
site, the views expressed in the match reports section are those of
the individual contributor, and do not necessarily reflect the view of
the
Burnley FC London Supporters
Club."
