This report is a non-“Three Goal Rule” report; i.e. you will get the whole report. Just for your information.
While other London Clarets were travelling from Marylebone via Banbury, I, along with my mother, her sister and Brian, were booked on the 10.25 am Silverlink from Milton Keynes, changing at Birmingham New Street. Arriving at the station at 9.55 am, we were informed that there was a train about to leave, at the platform – and it was going right to Wolverhampton. Great, we thought – then, realised as we arrived on the platform that it was a Virgin train. A bad omen, clearly.
But we duly got on it, and left ON TIME. Not only that, but they had plentiful supplies of chocolate-chip cookies. The train manager, as we discovered, was a Wolves fan. Another bad omen from The Great Man Upstairs (no, actually – not Richard Branson!). We then proceeded to sit outside Brum New Street for ten minutes. The reason? I hope you’re sitting down and not eating or drinking, as you might choke – WE WERE EARLY. We even arrived in Wolverhampton three minutes early. It was too good to be true.
Our 11.45 am arrival in Wolverhampton, instead of the hour later that we would have arrived otherwise, meant plenty of time in the city for lunch. We were inside Molineux by 2 pm, after having the tops of our water bottles taken by the steward – because for security purposes, it meant that “otherwise kids could take the empty bottles, fill them with water, and throw them on the pitch”! And the lack of legroom all comes rushing back. As for the tannoy – much more of that and I would probably be permanently deaf. Pity they couldn’t pronounce “Michopoulos” and “Papadopoulos”.
Wolves: Oakes, Irwin, Naylor, Ingimarsson, Lescott, Butler (C), Rae, Cameron, Blake, Miller, Newton.
Burnley: Michopoulos, West, Steve Davis (C), Little, Taylor, Briscoe, Gnohere, Weller, Cook, A Moore, McGregor.
Wolves kick off, and both sides seem happy to kick the ball from end to end of the pitch, although it is a very nervy Burnley start. After two minutes, Burnley nearly concede a corner, but Briscoe puts it out for a throw-in. The ball is thrown in towards the penalty area and is kicked goalwards. Nik spills it and it falls straight to the feet of ex-Bastard Blake, who says thank you very much and puts it home. Two minutes and we’re already 1-0 down.
We then get hauled up for offside and Taylor sort of has a chance – but nothing was ever going to come of it. Gnohere is then fouled, and must have learned from last week as he doesn’t react this time. Moments later, Weller and Cameron collide. It looks ominous for Cameron, as not only does the trainer come on but the Wolves player is also substituted, with Ince taking over.
Then Paul Cook lunges, two-footed, at Alex Rae. No question: the former Wolves man sees red after nine minutes. Ever get the feeling it just isn’t your day? The least one of Scotland’s hardest men (and dirtiest footballers) could do is stay down for at least a moment or two. Sorry – I really don’t like Alex Rae.
Winter is clearly hell-bent on being a twelfth man for Wolves, as we are fouled several times and several Wolves players blatantly dive, without anything going our way. But then, what can you expect from a man from Stockport? Remember February, when Jason Roberts should have seen red when WBA came to Burnley? Winter was the referee then as well.
Wolves try to claim a penalty for a foul on one of their players in the box. Fortunately Winter is having none of it – but I thought it was either a penalty or a booking for diving, not nothing? Oh well. And Taylor gets booked for (guess what) backing in. Which he never did. The vast majority of possession is, unsurprisingly, with Wolves.
After 18 minutes, Alan Moore and Taylor both go for the same ball and collide with each other. Taylor is fine, but Moore has to be replaced by his namesake, Ian. It later transpires that Moore (A) has had to have “eight or nine” facial stitches. Ouch.
Super Glen goes on one of his runs, but is unable to do anything with it and is forced to pass back to Davis. Briscoe then gets a shot in, but it goes several metres to the left of the post. Wolves go straight up the other end, but Nik easily catches a cross from Rae. Apart from some good passing in midfield between Little and several others, the “boot-it-and-run” highly predictable method of Burnley has come into being. Wolves get another corner, Ingimarsson is booked, and Winter plays advantage when we should have had a free kick. “1-0 to the referee” from the away contingent. And another Wolves corner. At least we’re showing some fight this week. Another WW corner, but there is a clear suspicion of handball by Ince. Nothing given. In the meantime, Kenny Miller is getting away with an awful lot of things he shouldn’t be.
King Arthur nobbles Blake – and gets away with it! Naturally, this arouses a loud cheer from Clarets fans. Another Wolves corner goes out for a throw-in. Miller seems to attempt a bicycle kick inside the area, putting his left fist up and clearly handballing. At the same time there is a scuffle, and suddenly Wolves have a penalty. Davis handled, apparently. Cue 40-minutes-in obscenities (mentally only) – but Nik, incredibly, punches it out! A Wolves shot goes just over the crossbar; how is it still only 1-0? Miller then does a Kevin Ball (I miss him) and blasts into Row Z. Moments later, Nik comes out and kicks the ball away from Blake’s feet. Half time, and 0-0 at Deadwood and Old Trafford. Lots of Clarets applaud the team as they go off.
We kick off the second half (finally) at 4.08 pm. Wolves are immediately hauled up for handball. Newton fouls Glen, and we have a free kick inside our own half. Nothing comes of it, and Brisser gets away with a foul on Ince.
We knew it had to come. Davis gives away a free kick just outside the “D” on 49 minutes. Irwin can’t miss. 2-0 Wolves. Bugger.
Taylor somehow manages to fall over Butler, who for some reason is lying on the ground. The reason? Answers on a postcard, please! Arthur gets a in a good clearance and we do some good work – ultimately to no avail. Taylor “shoots” tamely, and Oakes easily collects it.
Newton attempts a bicycle kick as Wolves get another corner – and fails miserably! Cox comes on for Weller on 63 minutes – apparently Weller is “feeling his knee” and he’s probably knackered, as it’s still baking hot out there. Wolves are pressing forward every chance they get, and the constant pressure results in Ince hitting just wide.
Papadopoulos comes on for Little on 68 minutes, and is promptly fouled by Ince. Briscoe takes the free kick – and blasts over. Naylor is keen to follow his team-mate, and we are awarded another free kick, which is cleared off the line! That’s the closest I’ve come to seeing us scoring at “The Custard Bowl” (the nickname given by various neighbouring clubs to Molineux). Kevin Cooper comes on for Rae on 68 minutes.
And Arthur is booked. I am already concerned about suspensions, and this is only the second match of the season! Dirty Miller is replaced with super-bargain Sturridge on 76 minutes. Cooper goes on an unmarked run, but hits the crossbar. Loudly. Paul Cook is then spotted standing watching the game from just inside the tunnel entrance and chatting to the stewards! Surely this isn’t allowed?!
Davis shoots just wide. Wolves are looking relaxed; they know they have half of the customary six points per season from our encounters. Ince handles right in front of Winter before doing the standard “Not me, ref!” act. They then have a shot cleared off the line by West – but it was offside anyway.
And Cooper wraps it up on 88 minutes. 3-0. Cue mass Claret evacuation (including a goodly number of London Clarets). Ian Moore then goes on a run, but Lescott forces him to put it behind for a goal kick.
Nothing else of great significance. The remaining Clarets applaud the players as they leave the pitch. At least Stan won’t be resigning, seeing as we put some effort into today’s game.
Got back to the station just in time to hop onto a Virgin train. Coach E was stifling, but D was nice and cool. They still had chocolate-chip cookies. And we were back in MK by 7 pm. Still sweltering hot. Next time people start talking about summer football, round about February, tell them to remember today. Too hot. I need say no more.
And remember – WBA lost their first two games last season; look where they are now!
Subs not used: Payton, Blake.
Scorers: (Wolves) Blake 2, Irwin 49, Cooper 88.
Attendance: 25,031.
Referee: Jeff Winter (Stockton-on-Tees).
Katherine's man of the match: Lee Briscoe (only just; they all played well).
A Winter of Discontent