Burnley FC today made the unusual step of apologising to the
whole of football for being top of the Nationwide League. We reproduce the statement of
apology below:
“We are sorry for being top of the Nationwide League. We do realise that this is not supposed to have happened. We would particularly like to apologise to big clubs such as Kevin Keegan’s Manchester City and Gianluca Vialli’s Watford for being in a higher position than them. We also feel that we should apologise to the media for getting in the way of the anticipated battle between these two household names, particularly as no one knows who Stan Ternent is.
“We accept that we are only top because, having gone ‘top for 24 hours’ after winning at Coventry, Wolves could not beat Sheffield Wednesday and Crystal Palace lost to Gillingham. We realise that this is our fault, and we should have tried to get fewer points ourselves to ensure that justice is done. We also concede that the second of our two goals at Coventry came as a result of a referee’s mistake, which meant that the Coventry defence were not able to concentrate on their marking, and that this constitutes grounds for the game being replayed.
“We acknowledge, further, that the only reason we are top is because we have played more games than some of the other teams. To a casual observer, it may indeed appear to be the case that Burnley are top because they have more points than any other side, but we need hardly point out that football is more complicated than that.
“It is unfortunate, we concede, that we have played exactly the number of games we were scheduled to play by this stage of the season. We do not have the international players of teams further down the table, which has meant that we have not had to postpone our games. This is, of course, a further indication of the fact that we are not as good as other sides.
“We accept that it is always better to have games in hand than actual points. We admit that we have got it wrong in playing games and winning them, when it would have been better not to have played them and retain the possibility of winning them in the future. After all, we acknowledge the universal truth that games in hand are always won, even when some of the games teams have in hand are against other teams with games in hand. As Crystal Palace so admirably proved at Gillingham, it is always good to have games in hand.
“We will take steps to prevent some of our games being played in the future, to allow a team more worthy to move to the top of the division.
“We feel we must apologise in particular to the media. We accept that, often when we play sides, they are badly under strength, with injuries and suspensions, whereas we are unique in suffering from none of these problems. We also accept that sides which have recently enjoyed Premier League football can hardly be expected to have a squad of sufficient quality.
“We acknowledge that the games we have played which have been covered by the media - generally those that take place when Kevin Keegan’s Manchester City do not have a game - have not been a good advert for first division football, and that for a side like Burnley to be top says much about the low quality of football in the division. Clearly, the media are right to ignore us as often as they do. We can only apologise for having collected points. We will try to do our duty to lose games in future.
“In closing, we feel we should apologise for bringing into disrepute the notion that the only way to succeed in football is by spending large amounts of money. We acknowledge the foresight of clubs such as Crystal Palace and Kevin Keegan’s Manchester City in correctly judging that players such as Ian Cox, Glen Little and Gareth Taylor are not of the required standard, and concede to the supporters of clubs such as Kevin Keegan’s Manchester City, Sheffield Wednesday and Stockport County, that they were quite correct to thank us for taking off their hands such poor players as Tony Grant, Lee Briscoe and Paul Cook.
“We really are very sorry for being top. Sorry.”
