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Online club shop - latest additions
Regular users of the official Burnley FC website may have noticed that the customary selection of news stories has now been replaced by a series of adverts recommending that you give your money to the club in ever more ingenious ways. (And how long can it be before the very soul of the club itself is available for auction on QXL?) Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, we always say. So, slaves to commerce that we are, we’ve been putting together another innovative selection of special gifts for you to browse in our new online club shop. Don’t forget, Father’s Day is just around the corner!
Official England punditry pendulum
If you’ve already got the official replica shirt, T-shirt, suit and Sainsbury’s official England Pizza ©, then you simply cannot be without this latest superb addition to the FA merchandise range. No self-respecting tabloid hack or pub punter should be without this handy tool. Now conversations about football need hold no fear, as we can guarantee that you will agree with everybody else. The official England punditry pendulum offers an instant verdict on the latest England game, and is precisely calibrated to swing from ‘world beaters’ to ‘utter shite’ on the strength of 45 minutes or less of one football match alone. Now you can be certain that England are on the next plane home, only to be convinced a few days later that they’ve got one hand on the trophy! Effortlessly eliminates all shades of grey - and the inconvenience of forming your own opinion.
Price £49.99.
Magnetic fixture list set
Our customers may already be familiar with the notion of magnetic poetry: a handy kit of words in a box which you can string together to form your own random verses. Now you can do exactly the same with the entire First Division programme! The kit contains home and away sets of names for the other 23 teams, plus a good selection of different days of the week and outlandish kick off times. Remove the need to ever write down and cross out fixtures again! Simply attach the fixtures to a large size fridge and enjoy hours of fun pretending you're a TV company by moving them around willy nilly to your heart’s content.
Price: £19.99 (fridge not included).
Inflatable ground
Yes, now that FA-approved franchised football has arrived, this is what every property-speculating carpet-bagger needs. Simply inflate ground and move it around from soulless new town to soulless new town as the fancy takes you. Buy a struggling club, plop the ground down in a greenfield site somewhere, change the name of the team, and then concentrate on some really lucrative leisure and retail development. What could be easier?
Price: 30 pieces of silver (supporters not included).
The legendary balti pie of Burnley
Serious collectors only need apply. At last we’ve got our hands on that elusive item long since promised but never actually seen: the Burnley balti pie. Truly, this is something slightly rarer than the holy grail, the arc of the covenant and a Tony Grant goal combined. Just don’t ask how we came by it.
Price: sealed bids only please.
Robbie Blake
This luxury item is worth a million pounds of anyone’s money. Thoughtfully rescued from obscurity, Robbie Blake is a superb ornament, a true status symbol, the possession of which proves that you've made it, and you can afford to splash your cash around like there’s no tomorrow. You’ll also look forward to seeing him play – honest.
Price: £1,000,000 ono (will accept part exchange).
Todd Morden
June 2002
As with all articles on the site, the
views expressed in the comments section are those of the individual contributor, and do
not necessarily reflect the view of the Burnley FC London Supporters Club
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