The Educational Benefits
of Football
(from the point of view of a season ticket holder at Burnley)
Mathematics
Figuring out train / bus / petrol costs, not to
mention actually buying the tickets. And that's not forgetting lunch / beer / pies at half
time costs and allowing for possible unexpected expenses (e.g. champagne at Doncaster
among the Burnley London supporters). Then, of course, there's the match: working out how
many minutes of the match are left, checking both teams have a maximum of eleven players,
number of bookings / sendings off, scoring rates, and all the other statistics.
History
You get a chance to learn what each town / city
did during the Civil War / Industrial Revolution / whatever, and some of the grounds,
e.g., Blackpool, are pretty historic (i.e. ancient and falling down) - and Lincoln
supporters have a World War 2 air raid siren!
Geography
The most important one of all. You need to know
where you're going from your current location, where the town / city / conurbation /
whatever is situated, and a travelling football supporter has to learn this so they know
where every (football) town is.
Languages (mainly
Premiership)
Well, with all these foreign imports to our
Premiership, someone has to be able to communicate with them in their native French /
Italian / Spanish / German / Russian / Estonian / whatever!
Art
Take every opportunity to admire the wide range
of talent on display by other visiting supporters in the away end toilets and the locals'
work down near the ground and by the railway station. Wonderful, and usually very
Picasso-inspired. Enough said.
PE
What with all the walking one has to do to get
to some grounds (thinking of the one mile walk round Watford allotments to get to the away
end last time we graced the First Division with our presence). Also the dash to Burnley
bus station in order to catch the early train from Manchester, and the dash across Preston
station. Never mind the walking from pub to pub that some fans do. Perfect way to keep
fit!
RS
Football is our religion! Colour, creed,
'world religion' does not matter - we are all joined together in our belief in the club we
support. And remember the Ten Commandments given to Moses on Mount Sinai all those years
ago? Commandment No. 1: "There is only one God?" His name? Stan Ternent.
Music
Drums, etc, that many fans come together and
play. Plus the renditions of one of our own blasting out of the loudspeakers at Turf Moor
- Chumbawamba. ("I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me
down.") Please note: Lincoln's WW2 air raid siren comes under history.
Food technology
Pies, peas, hot dogs, burgers. All purchasable
at grounds across the country. With all that studying of numbers of calories, fat content,
how good they are for you, don't miss the opportunity to learn about the traditional
matchday food. Also note that this season, us Clarets fans will be attending the home town
of Delia Smith on Monday 16 April 2001 (i.e. Norwich).
Biology
All about what happens to the half time grub
after it's swallowed, and the beer to 'aid' (or otherwise) digestion. Ask the men. Also
the skeleton and muscles of the players need study, and also their respiratory and
cardio-vascular systems. (Although the National Curriculum states that all the muscle
stuff is in the GCSE syllabus. Sorry!)
English
Reading the programme, of course! (And the pub
guide before matchday, if you happen to be interested in that.) Then there's the use (or
misuse) of the English language, with certain references to B*****d Rovers! (Sorry. The
'B' words are unprintable!)
Drama
All the foreign players acting (or, more
accurately, over-acting) when they fall over / dive / get tripped up / whatever. And when
it gets to the end of the season, anything could happen! That really is
drama!
Psychology
Psychology offers the chance to analyse the
habits of players when certain things happen, and their reactions. And then there's the
loony Millwall 'fans' to study. Maybe they're human. Maybe. Or am I making unrealistic
hopes? Probably, when they rip up Turf Moor one week and Deepdale the next! Of course, I
have not forgotten referees. We need to know why they book the wrong players, give away
free kicks / penalties for no reason, and why they miss even the most obvious fouls that
are right under their noses! And it's funny that they hardly ever (with one or two
exceptions) seem to want to treat Burnley fairly!
IT / Electronics
Those fancy electronic scoreboards that most of
the higher-up clubs now own. Do they work?... Er, no! Or at least, they don't work
right at Derby!
Katherine
Last
November 2000
