If you travel through Heckmondwike
by train or car or bus or bike
via Wakefield where a train you catch
to London after a football match,
a Burnley taxi firm we know
will take you a scenic route so slow!
But wait, “Is there a catch?” I hear you say,
yes – money up front and right away!
£10 extra, a small fee to pay
will take you miles from a motorway.
No radar, no compass, no pole star to guide us,
no radio contact or map there beside us,
just follow the road and hope for the best,
a signpost is bound to tell us the rest.
Past Halifax, Batley and Brighouse we travel,
as our route the driver attempts to unravel.
On reaching a crossroads he turned to say,
“Where are we now? I don’t know the way.”
Our confidence is at an all time low,
just like the lights on the front as we go.
The license displayed on the windscreens ahead,
is weeks out of date, so somebody said.
Our mystery tour is almost over,
we’re confident Nigel will get back to Dover,
but one last problem, be on your guard,
we turned into the prison yard!
How will this gentleman find his way home?
Who gives a **** let’s leave him alone.
He’ll probably drive around all through the night
and end up in John O’Groats come the first light.
What did we find out much to our cost?
That five miles from Burnley all drivers are lost.
So what’s the solution to this great dilemma?
Move back to Burnley and live there for ever!
