The Heagin File
(musings of the self appointed
secretary of the 1987 back bench committee)
The Swan saga
goes on
Those members who occasionally scan my ramblings as a
little light relief from the match reports will note a continuing reference to our now
departed, occasional centre-half cum centre-forward cum soccer socialite, Peter Swan. Well
here are a couple more names for the file: Dave Beasant and Dean Windass. Given the Hull
connection the latter is not too surprising, but Lurch! DW actually tells the story of
going nightclubbing in Hull with Swanny, which sounds like a particularly hazardous
activity. Swanny thinks he has a good chance with a woman across the dance floor, and
confides in DW. Said woman happens to be DW’s wife, but husband and wife decide to
play Swanny along, with comical results. Swan, egg, face, laughter.
Feng Shui
Hidden away in this week’s press was an old item re
two practical jokers who had pretended to be feng shui experts to Bristol Rovers FC. They,
with Bristol’s agreement, had placed various mystical items behind the goals and
above the turnstiles at the Memorial Ground, following which Bristol now sit proudly,
almost at the top of division two. Pure hoax, but maybe there is something here for the
Clarets.
Home form is OK, but given the present lack of goals away from
home, note Bristol eight wins and top scorers away from home, suggest we need a feng shui
survey before every away game. If there is bad feng shui, then either call the game off,
call in Dynarod’s feng shui. division to shift it or less likely move the away end
immediately towards a south facing hill. One of the objects placed above the turnstiles
was a three legged frog, but I am sure we can do better than that. Firmo’s Burnley
gloves for instance, Hozzo’s rucksack or Whitto’s Laura Ashley curtains. All
suggestions for appropriate objects please to Firmo, as the back bench committee is a
little short of staff at the moment, the six year old presently being on strike for more
pocket money.
For those unfamiliar with ancient Lancastrian mysticism, chi is
positive energy, which can be blocked out by ‘negative’ vibes. Suggest Wycombe
as a start point, if we ever have to play them again.
Axa FA Cup
Had occasion recently to attend a City Forum lunch where a
Board Director of Axa was speaking. Although what he had to say was not directly Claret
related, it was definitely interesting as regards the best national cup competition in the
world.
No question that major sponsors such as Axa regard soccer as THE
business to invest in. Often wondered how the effectiveness of massive sponsorship is
measured, and apparently it is all quite scientific. The inevitable question re Man
Utd’s absence drew the response that in terms of merit points (roughly hours and
column inches of media coverage), this was the best thing that could possibly happen to
Axa. Wonder if Ian Wright’s sponsors sold more coffee when he was on the bench or
suspended?
Old Boys
Can’t help noticing that Graham Lancashire and Robbie
Painter have been on the scoresheet regularly recently, and indeed Mark Monington. However
on the weekend of the Reading home game the ex Burnley centre back syndrome hit the lower
league headlines. First poor old Swanny gets his red card at York, then Blathers gets the
early bath at Chesterfield. Best of all however was Neil Moore at Macclesfield. Thought he
had been forcibly retired, but no he rose majestically at the far post in the 90th
minute against some nobodies to head home from a corner. Preston away two years ago, 3-2
comes to mind.
Pre Season
Following the very splendid Dawlish extravaganza some time
ago, we now apparently have been invited to compete in the next pre-season tournament in
the Isle of Man, at the end of July. Aside from the IOM boys themselves, it is likely to
include the holders Oldham and Delilah’s Icelandic brigade, plus two others. The
refugees from Reykjavik should feel at home in this island paradise (sic) which I actually
happen to know well, as it is better known as a centre for financial services rather than
a holiday spot. The competition is split in to two groups of three, the winners of which
play off in the final.
Seriously, not a bad spot for a gill or three if the weather is
nice, and plenty of cheap B&B’s. You can catch a tram or steam train between
pubs! Assuming we take up the invite, competition starts Sunday July 23rd with
the final the following Saturday.
Claret Memories
The previous magazine had a very splendid review of this
gem, which I heartily recommend. The pictures and interesting facts are an absolute must
for all self respecting Clarets, at less than the price of five pints in the Sparrow, four
pints in London. As a taster, did you know:
(a) The year the Clarets nearly won the double in 1961/62, the
reserves did win their double of the Central League and the Lancashire Senior Cup.
(b) Of the Championship and Cup Final sides only McIlroy and Elder
cost transfer fees, a princely sum of £13,000. Wow.
(c) In 1920/21 the local Burnley News when praising the
Championship side and their unbeaten thirty-match run without defeat in a season
predicted, "…never in our lifetime will such a thing be accomplished
again." His lifetime and many more methinks.
Ian Wright
Couldn’t possibly finish off without a comment on Mr
Wright. It would be hypocritical of me to jump on the Wright bandwagon because he now
plays for the Clarets, given his boorish ways over the years. It has however been
interesting to watch the skills of a goal-scoring legend, playing at this level. There
have been hints of class, the touch, the positioning and the finish at Gillingham, but
what has surprised me is the continuing enthusiasm of the man, who has nothing to prove
football wise, certainly to us. The chat show however, is still abysmal.
Hego
May 2000
