They disgraced
the name of Burnley
Hall of Infamy No. 3
Lee Howey
Once upon a time, many moons ago, the
mighty Wizard Ternent arrived at the hallowed Turf, to find there were four evil goblins
in residence. Three were fairly harmless but basically incompetent denizens of the deep.
The fourth was a true disciple of the evil Waddler Gollum, who abides by the pseudonym of
Lee Howey.
He arrived at the behest of WG as a centre-half
/ forward with a supposed premier league reputation, ominously at the same time as Neil
Moore, and was soon to become one half of the worst central defence pairing the Clarets
have had since the primeval sludge finally subsided from the urinals at the Bee Hole End.
There were so many comical centre-halves at the club at the time that it was rumored WG
was trying to set up a theme park. He was purchased for what passed for real money at the
time, £200,000, as the WG attempted to fritter away the few funds the Club had at its
disposal. This elder brother of Donkey Steve arrived from the Mackems with a reputation
for scoring goals in his four years at Roker Park, where amazingly he played over 100
games for them. Just shows you can fool some of the people all of the time.
In his first game for the Clarets, at Lincoln in
the Cup, he scored and all was well. As the season meandered downhill, however, under
admittedly abject management, his various inadequacies became painfully apparent. Examine
the following, by noting this small sample of comments (not mine), which were typical of
the season:
Rotherham – The only thing Howey
contributed was getting a Cooke goal disallowed for Burnley by standing offside on the
goal line. Howey’s passing is worse than Moore’s, his ability to mark anyone is
more of an inability, and his positional play is awful.
Northampton – After dropping Cooke to
play Howey up front, the home crowd booed. Burnley missed numerous chances throughout the
match, of which Howey was the main culprit. Waddle launched a stinging attack on the
Burnley supporters during a Radio Lancashire interview immediately after the match, for
booing certain players.
Howey ended up with nine points in the final
London Clarets player of the year vote for the whole of season 97/98, vying for position
with Fred Flintstone. This compared to the 28 points for the other three goblins. Pretty
impressive what!
The 98/99 pre-season gave little hope of any
improvement. Even at Dawlish the Morgan, Blatherwick, Moore, Howey back line was pretty
unconvincing. No, say what you really think Hego. Crap. The team (and in particular the
four goblins) were being openly criticized by Stan, who was praying for funds for new
players. The opening day Payton-inspired win against Bristol Rovers was a brief calm,
leading swiftly in to a series of defeats, including a solid pasting at home to Bury in
the League Cup. Finally Stan cracked following a rubbish 1-0 home defeat to York City in
August. Stan took off Blathers and Howey at half time, then at full time announced live on
Radio Lancashire that the gang of four goblins would not play for Burnley again whilst he
was manager, and were available on a free. Teasdale Out, having been previously unaware of
the decision, had a minor coronary at the flushing down the toilet of £500,000 of talent
(sic). Terminated with extreme prejudice!
After then spending the best part of four months
on loan at Northampton, their then manager (Ian Atkins?) decided to purchase Howey in
preference to Steve Torpey, who must have been rubbish. He had scored three goals somehow
during the loan period, which did the trick. The £50,000 in the bank was the best piece
of business that the Clarets did in the season. Compare this with the value for money
Preston Nob End got from us in the previous season, paying an equivalent amount of cash
for David Eyres.
Interestingly, Mr Howey garnered two points in
the London Clarets player of the year for that season, down with the real joke votes.
Somebody has a real sense of humor. Must find out who it was from Woody’s book of
votes sometime. Hope it wasn’t me for a joke after a particularly substantial number
of pots!
Strangely the story didn’t end there, as
Howey appeared at our end of season celebration for Northampton against the Clarets, as
the B*****ds slithered in to the First Division. The laugh of the day involved a
Northampton fan who stated quite seriously how good he thought Howey was, and what a steal
he was at the price. He was, however, good enough to send the Cobblers down to the Third
division at his first attempt. Strangely he actually scored against us that day, as
Crichton practiced one of his now legendary party pieces with a greasy ball. Howey has
hardly played for them since, mainly due to injury, but they can’t have their money
back. Didn’t notice his goal in the away end, as all concentration centred on the
talking wireless, as the Premier League B*****d relegation extravaganza unfolded. Ah happy
days.
So what was it that really antagonized me (and
indeed many others), distinguishing him from some of the other lesser mortals who have
worn but not graced the Claret uniform over many years? Well, where do we start? With the
ball at his feet and time to use it, he had the imagination of a tent peg. He had the sort
of pace off the mark old Dobbin would have been proud of. His shooting ability had a
humorous quality one associates with Billy Smart, which had as much in common with Andy
Payton as Yehudi Menuhin to heavy metal. Defensively he disliked being close to opposing
strikers, probably due to his anti social ‘I am a premier league player
attitude’. He exhibited not so much a corridor of uncertainty, but more a freeway of
unknowing, which would have led to him ask to phone a friend (note, not the audience) if
the match situation would have given him the time.
In summary, this was a man playing well out of
his depth, and exhibiting neither knowledge, skill nor exertion in his efforts to earn a
large salary. You may well say, quite correctly, that this applied to a goodly number of
muppets that have masqueraded as Clarets over the years, and you would be correct.
However, in degree of incompetence multiplied by the ridiculous transfer fee and salary,
this sum takes some beating in the annals of Claret incompetence. In conclusion,
therefore, Lee Howey epitomised in one player everything that was wrong in the Waddler
Gollum era, and for that alone he deserves his elevation to the Claret Hall of Infamy
(Case
proven - he's in. Paul Stewart will be glad of the company - Ed.)
Hego
January 2001
