Kevin
Ball - the new Graham Branch?
Ok, so perhaps it’s a bit early in the season to be starting on
this theme (six League games gone as I write this). However, anyone in the London Clarets
who knows me will probably know that every season one particular player incurs my wrath,
possibly to an unjust extent. And why not - watching football is my hobby, not my job, so
I figure I can be unreasonable if I want to be.
Two years ago it was the hapless Brian Reid. As
you may remember, he was the clueless central defender purchased by Chris Waddle. Last
year it was Graham Branch - who I had a passionate disliking for. I was on record as
saying that even if he scored a double-hat-trick I wouldn't vote for him as my man of the
match. It pains me to say it, but he did improve slightly towards the end of last season.
However, despite his winning goal against Crystal Palace - which was laid on so
excellently by Andy Payton that even I would have scored it - I am sure we'll soon see the
lazy, lackadaisical, louche performances which he showed so many of last year. Whereas
Brian Reid clearly had no skill whatsoever, Graham Branch obviously has a little. Use it,
you lazy bastard! Having said that, for the sake of Burnley's future success, I really
hope I'm wrong.
This year, it is shaping up to be the 47 year
old Kevin Ball. Ok, so I've only seen him play four games, but apart from one well-timed
tackle against Crystal Palace, I can't think of anything that he has done. The galling
thing is that looking at his track-record, he must have been a good player once
(Portsmouth, Su'lan'). Now he just can't be arsed. Watching him closely against Fulham it
became clear that he's a very similar player to that other Waddle acquisition - Mark
Fraud. Fraud was well-named, as he persistently deceived fans by impersonating a football
player. He was often to be found hiding in the centre circle, running away from the ball
and timing his runs so that he would arrive just too late to have to make a
tackle on an opposing player. To be fair to him, he had never achieved anything in
football, so was probably lacking in confidence and ability. Kevin Ball should have both,
so what's his excuse?
Back to that Fulham match - apart from becoming
apoplectic at the way dirty bastard Barry Hayles was trying to cheat his way through the
match (well played Ian Cox, by the way) I was taking note of Kevin Ball trying to avoid
the ball. It was an art perfectly achieved by Fraud, but Kevin Ball also looks to be
fantastic at this. The way he pretended to stay with Lee Clark and then just edge away
when the ball came near Clark was amazing. Clark must have been amazed with the space he
was given - and he made the most of it, winning the man of the match award. Incidentally,
some great tackles were made by Glen Little.
So to conclude, I'll give Kevin Ball another
couple of games, but it looks like Graham Branch might be usurped in his position of
'Burnley player I love to hate'. I'll be a little sad to demote Graham Branch if he does
continue his improvement from the end of last season, but I've had some good times
slagging him off, and all good things must come to an end.
J
oanne Pilkington
November 2000
