As the real secretary of the 1987 back-bench
committee, and because I am a bit bored with my homework, I thought I would write to your
magazine to put my side of the story, and to ask a few questions on behalf of those left
behind on match days.
Let’s start with this brownie point nonsense. Now just what
are these points? I have played all the Pokemon games I can think of on my game boy, and
still I can’t find any reference to them. Only thing I know for sure is that if there
is a lack of them, then my mother and I tend to go on nice trips away, or I get double
helpings of ice cream. One such point loss happened recently when I was searching in the
study for a particularly cool Pokeman card, and happened upon a Burnley season ticket,
which I showed my mum. Couldn’t of course have been my Dad’s because he
doesn’t have one, but she wasn’t impressed. Huge loss apparently.
I still find it hard to understand how the old man can wander off
to a football match, disappear for a whole day, even to somewhere close like Brentford,
and return in such a state smelling of drink and singing strange songs. Uncle David
sometimes even has trouble speaking! I also don’t understand the ‘No Nay
Never’ song, as I thought the idea was to play Nasty Rovers. Grandad thinks it's
funny to keep mentioning Nasty Rovers to my Dad, when they win. Can’t think why. Does
Port Vale really exist, as I can’t find it in my atlas?
Having to wear a Burnley away shirt can be a bit of a trauma at my
friend’s football parties, although it is probably better than wearing a baby llama
on your back. It is a bit annoying having to explain why it is not a West Ham shirt and in
which division Burnley are in. Mum will only let me wear the white away kit, but it's
pretty cool. Manchester United or Chelsea would be much easier.
There have been an amazing number of coincidences over the years,
where our trips to strange parts of the country have mysteriously been close to the
location of a Burnley game. Dawlish in particular springs to mind. Visits to my
grandparents in Hexham seem to have been arranged unbelievably when Carlisle and even
Middlesborough were playing Burnley. Think though that Sheffield is a bit too far from
Granny’s to sneak off unnoticed this time.
Anyway, I’m bored now so I’ll finish and go play with the
Lego. Are Woody and Buzzo Lightyear the same as in Toy Story?
Yours Sincerely
Max Heagin (aged 7 years)
September 2000
