Yeah, that's as maybe, but I like Portsmouth, and consider it a fine old drinking town. The mix of locals, students and sailors may make for a potent, and indeed volatile, cocktail, but all these groups need to drink, some of them to excess, and there are therefore plenty of pubs to serve them. About town, if you know where to look, there are some cracking boozers, individually and differently brilliant. Previous visits have been, in that old cliché, fine days out spoilt only by the football.
Your best rail stops for beer are the main station, Portsmouth and Southsea, and Fratton, the stop before and, oddly enough, the nearest station to Fratton Park. There are some decent pubs in the centre, and several excellent boozers within walking distance of Fratton station and Park. You shouldn't need Portsmouth Harbour unless you want to visit Nelson's Victory and the Mary Rose at the Royal Naval Base. (Apparently, after fatally winning the Battle of Trafalgar, Nelson's corpse was carried home preserved in a barrel of brandy. Sounds okay to me.)
Your only problem might be finding the pubs and making your way between them. The best pubs are rather spread out – there’s a number of directions you could go in from Fratton station for example – and the town wasn't done any favours by wartime bombing. On one visit, my efforts to conduct research as thoroughly as possible entailed one cab ride and three twenty minute walks. I know, such selfless dedication. In addition to our own small efforts, a map and a copy of the current CAMRA Good Beer Guide – which contains several pubs I still haven’t found time to visit – may be helpful.
You probably ought to bear in mind that Portsmouth is, as previously advertised, a naval town, so it could get rowdy, and it has in the past had a reputation for being not the friendliest of places you could visit. Although I’ve nothing against the Portsmouth fans – in fact they rather endeared themselves to me when they applauded Paul Gascoigne onto the pitch the other year – and although I’ve always found pubs welcoming, let’s advise some sensible caution here at the start. There have been times when I’ve seen groups of lads hanging around looking for trouble and have felt head down and swift movement to be wise. At present, also keep in mind that they’re top of the league and selling-out home tickets, so pubs, particularly those close to Fratton Park including some mentioned below, will be busy.
The main local brewery is Gale’s of Horndean, so make sure you get some. Their HSB is an unusual, strong and sweet beer, while Buster and GB are good, everyday drinking bitters. Sadly you don't seem to get the Festival Mild often these days. Other Hampshire breweries you might find around town are Ringwood and, if you're lucky, beers from the excellent Cheriton brewery.
There are some pubs right next to Portsmouth and Southsea station. Although they're not the best in town, they're handy. The Isambard Kingdom Brunel is a Wetherspoon's, and it’s on Guildhall Walk, unmissably right next to the big Guildhall building. The quickest route from the strange, multi-level station, where your train seems to arrive on top of another, is some kind of walkways and concrete staircases affair, but if you aim for the Guildhall, you'll find it. The pub's a huge shed, standardly decorated, and of course the toilets are upstairs. I was a bit harsh about the service in this place before, but it's obviously improved since then. Beer range is good, and includes as standard the legendary pale and bitter Hop Back Summer Lightning. As many pubs in Portsmouth don't do much by the way of food, this might represent your best chance of a bite to eat.
Next door is or was a Firkin. I went in the Fleet and Firkin a couple of years back, while passing through. It wasn't worth it then, it won’t have improved, and it’s probably now called something else.
You can do better. Press on down Guildhall Walk, resisting the temptation to dive into the many theme and chain pubs that line the street (it must be throbbing on a Friday night) and cross over the dual carriageway of Winston Churchill Avenue (indeed) for a couple of very good pubs. You're in Southsea now, and will be for a while. Southsea is, err, south of the town, next to the sea. You could find this geographical division between Portsmouth and Southsea arbitrary and confusing – I am never quite sure which one I’m in – so my advice is to forget about it and keep drinking.
It's a bit bleak round here, all tower blocks and empty streets, and the Sir Robert Peel on Astley Street is a square, flat 1960s estate pub. It all looks extremely unpromising, but don't be put off. I know, you expect estate pubs to be unfriendly and sell dreadful beer. Well, we got a warm welcome in March 2001, and the beer was excellent. The main beer was Ringwood best bitter, but this is a genuine free house, selling beers from tiny breweries. It was the sort of place where you are forced to make a choice between beers you've never heard of. My pint of something I'd never heard of was very good indeed.
Just around the corner you'll find the Eldon Arms on, oddly enough, Eldon Street. A nice pub, this. Outside it was smart, tiled and appealing, and inside it was cool, dark and woody, and surprisingly large. Interiors count for nothing if the beer's not up to scratch, of course, but it was. There was a decent beer choice on our visit, including Young's, and, although you couldn't possibly drink it if you want to keep going all day, the strong, dark and still excellent Theakston's Old Peculier. This wasn't the only Yorkshire beer, reflecting the fact that the people who ran the place were from Yorkshire, although we tried not to hold it against them. I ambled around as I drank, trying to figure out the mystifying range of traditional pub games. Again, we were made to feel welcome.
I suppose from here you could backtrack to Portsmouth and Southsea
station, from where you could catch the train one stop to Fratton, but
that would be awfully unadventurous. Far more interesting to plunge
further into Southsea. If you keep going down Eldon Street it becomes
Norfolk Street, then you can turn left onto Kings Road, Elm Grove and
finally Albert Road. As I said, get a map. This is perhaps a fifteen
minute walk, and it brings you to another great pub, the Fifth
Hampshire Volunteer Arms. You will see pubs with this sort
of name all around town. How good is this pub? Well, it has a collection
of safety helmets. What more do you want? Okay, the beer's important
too, and it's about time you got some Gale's. The pub is basic, busy
and jolly.
Also on Albert Road you have the Wine Vaults, which despite the name is a beer place. I didn’t like this pub as much as I thought I would. It’s a big, long, wooden room, with the promise of many beers, most of which were unavailable. There was an extensive food menu, but service was slow. But if you’re going to the Fifth Hampshire etc, you might as well come here too.
If you continue along Albert Road it becomes Highland Road – in fact it does whether you continue along it or not – and you’ll come to the Sir Loin of Beef. I wasn't a massive fan of this pub, however. Hate the twee name, for a start. It's one of these modern, stripped down places featuring a blackboard and a wide range of small brewery beers. Could be good, but they blew it on my March 2001 visit on the basis that all the half dozen beers they sold were too strong. That isn't really my idea of choice.
From anywhere around here you can storm roughly north and a bit east to the ground. Heading up any street will bring you to Goldsmith Avenue, at which point you turn right for the ground. It will take twenty something minutes.
There are a couple of pubs I know of between Albert Road and the ground. You
could, for example, take Lawrence Road and persist as it becomes Fawcett
Road. Fawcett Road snakes all over the place, as I discovered to my
cost once when turning down the wrong bit, causing a missed train, but
resist the turn, keep going straight, and you'll hit another patriotically
named pub, the Red, White and Blue. As a non-jingoist,
I struggle with these names, but it's another proper, eccentrically
cluttered and welcoming Gale's pub. They have a website, as pubs tend
to these days.
On adjacent Francis Avenue you have the Rutland Arms, a big and vaguely odd pub on the corner. Beer came from the Hampshire brewery of Romsey.
Alternatively, if you get to the end of Highland Road and turn right onto Cromwell Road, you’ll come to (here we go again) the Royal Marines Artillery Tavern. This is a big and very basic pub, where serious drinkers are welcome. It's another Gale's house, and apparently they have a skittle alley somewhere. They also have a truly terrible jukebox (Floral Dance anyone? No, thought not), one of those dartboards divided up for quiz questions and possibly the world's most antiquated hand drier in the gents. In every respect, a gem.
If you head south of Albert Road you’re going towards the seashore,
which offers a bit of a beach, a pier, and a vast expanse of bed and
breakfasts. You’re nowhere near the ground of course, but I always think
it's nice to see a bit of water at some point when you're playing in
a coastal town. Of course, it helps if there's a decent boozer about
the place, and happily the Florence Arms on Florence
Road fulfilled that brief in March 2001. It was a nice pub, very tiled
on the outside, bit of a locals' place, quiet on our visit but friendly
enough. Most of the beers were on the strong side, so I went for a pint
of Young's bitter, which was pretty reasonable. Best thing about this
pub was the long, narrow room on the right, which had some stupendously
comfy chairs and a massive Sky TV screen. It proved difficult to leave.
Florence Road is off South Parade, if you’re trying to find it.
Alternatively, I know a couple of pubs east of the ground, at the end of Goldsmith Avenue. Off Milton Road on Locksway Road, the Old Oyster House is a surprisingly non-old pub. It’s a big, square 1930s building, reminiscent of an estate pub, and has a naval theme which is somewhat predictable. Just be grateful you don’t get more of that around town, I suppose. Anyway, nothing wrong with the beer range, which was changing and interesting. I seem to recall swilling a most acceptable pint of Brain’s Dark Mild.
From here, carry on and across the old canal onto Hester Road for the Artillery Arms. I remember this wasn’t terribly easy to find and involved pushing aside a metal fence, but we are dedicated. This was last port of call before our match in April 2002 and it was absolutely jammed. There were many home fans in here, most of them drinking the exceptional, highly floral Cheriton Pots beer. Gale’s beers were also available. It’s maybe fifteen minutes to the ground from here. Their website is at www.artilleryarms.co.uk, logically enough.
If you continued up Milton Road, past and to the north of the ground, past the hospital and up to the prison, you’d come to a pub called the Rose in June. This is a basic, traditional pub, but it wasn’t to my taste in April 2002, largely because the only beer they had available was Fuller’s London Pride.
There are also possibilities north of Fratton station, up Fratton Road. I wasn’t too impressed with the John Jacques, a pastel Wetherspoon’s pub a short walk from the station. I expect, as Wetherspoon’s pubs near football grounds tend to, that this will fill up before the game. It was first thing when I called in, but already I had a feeling we were being clocked by the local baseball-capped.
Quite a bit further up Fratton Road is the Florist. This was a nice, old-fashioned and placid kind of place. Time moved slowly here. Unusually for the area, it’s a Wadworth’s house. As well as the over-stretched 6X you should be able to get the very drinkable Henry’s IPA.
Between these two on the adjacent Guildford Road, and not far from
the station at all, you’ll find the excellent Connaught Arms.
It’s warm and friendly, they sell lots of beer from excellent breweries,
and I have an idea I was drinking Caledonian Deuchar’s IPA the last
time I called in. Find out more at www.connaughtarms.co.uk,
from which it's apparent that they also sell a great range of pasties.
Still further guidance can be obtained on a couple of Pompey websites. Visit the 'Away Fan Zone' of the Portsmouth Rivals Net site, which includes a pub guide,
or head to www.pompeyweb.co.uk and choose 'Drinks' from the 'General Info' menu for a pub rundown.
Both of these are pretty good on pubs close to the ground, and the people doing them seem to know their beer, which is important. There's also a website of the local branch
of the Campaign for Real Ale at www.psehcamra.org.uk.
As for the ground, Fratton Park is, unfortunately, disgraceful in every
respect. Surely the time when you could get away with these relics has
now passed. Just getting in is hard enough. You tend to get stuck in
a queue trying to pass through a couple of turnstiles shoehorned into
a corner of the ground. Once in, don’t assume that just because you’ve
got a ticket with a seat number on it and are aiming to sit with your
mates you’ll be able to. We’ve had ‘sit where you like' here before.
And those seats are, of course, stuck on an end with no roof. Hmm, lovely.
Only one thing worse than standing in the rain, and that’s sitting in
it. Not bad for 16 quid! As for amenities, you're joking, right? You
will not get anything to eat or be able to get to the toilet at half
time. In fact, you'll struggle whatever time you go, and if there's
a queue down the steps, as seems likely, get in it, and go to either
the toilets or the food hut, depending on which you happen to come to
first. The gents is tiny, and on last visit the ladies was through an
unmarked door. And if you can't get a pie, count yourself lucky. I did,
and it might once have aspired to being lukewarm. Disgusting. All this
from a club which played in a higher division than us for many years.
Lord knows, we've had lean times, but the chronic lack of investment
in this place just stares at you.
Still, it amuses me to think of pampered premier league fans on this away end next season, so good luck to Portsmouth.
They're supposed to be moving into what used to be Fratton Goods Yard, a bleak wasteland next door, and this must be one of those rare occasions when a move couldn't possibly be for the worse.
There are a couple of possible stop-offs on the way back to London.
You could go a few stops to Havant (Have! Havant! Etc.), where if you
haven't had quite enough Gale's, you can get some more at the Old
House at Home, which is indeed old and homely. It's on South
Street, and to find South Street from the station, go down North Street,
past the junction with East Street and West Street, and you're on South
Street. Honest. The train back to London will also take you through
Guildford and Woking, which have respectively the Plough,
on Park Street, a basic pub selling Fuller's London Pride, and one of
the best Wetherspoon's pubs, called, boringly, Wetherspoon's,
on Chertsey Road, both a few minutes' walk from the respective railway
stations.
If you want to do a weekend, the Isle of Wight, reached by ferry from Portsmouth Harbour station or supremely noisy hovercraft from Southsea seafront, is the obvious destination. Ventnor, on the south side of the island, is very nice, but unfortunately Ryde, where the ferries go to, less so.
