Room 101 - Clarets Nightmares
Some personal Betes Noire by Cozzo
The
Moaners
We've all been there; first game of the season,
just settling into your seat in eager anticipation of the new season and he starts:
"I hope that Brass i'nt playing. Bloody rubbish he is. Can't kick a football. Don't
know how he ever gets in t' side." You know then you are in for a whole season of
watching Brass make a good clearance under pressure or a great saving tackle and you wait
for the "Why can't he find one of our players? Doesn't he know how to pass? Get off
Brass, you're rubbish." They are nearly always middle to old aged with moustaches and
come in twos and threes, perhaps for safety or maybe just to have someone to spout their
rubbish at. On the few occasions when Burnley play well, you never sit back down just as
one of them says "Great move" or "Good football." It's,
"Should've scored there. We might regret missing that," etc, etc. Turf Moor has
more than its fair share of these and it would be nice if Room 101 could take a few off
our hands.
Frank Leboeuf
His latest outburst in the press about other
players being out to get him is probably quite right. His arrogance knows no bounds and
one of the few funny things Danny Kelly put on his Football 365 website was in a list of
'10 things which show you know about football'. About number 7 was 'You switch off the
telly whenever Frank Leboeuf starts speaking'. I dislike him so much that I wasn't too
upset when John Filan saved his penalty last season whilst playing for the Bastards. The
sooner he sods off back to the better weather, the better people and the better life in
France, the better it will be for English football.
All seater
stadia
Death traps waiting to happen. Precipitous steps
with nothing to get hold of in the event of a stumble and impossible to get out of in a
hurry.
Lovely stadium we have at the Turf now, but what
about the atmosphere? Sometimes there is less noise than on a Sunday morning game on the
rec.
The
Premiership
Everything revolves around them (and the England
team for that matter) so sod your fixtures, you don't really exist. Again, it's about
arrogance and the way in which Johnny-come-lately fans who watch the odd games from an
armchair or in the pub (and couldn't tell you the first thing about the Nationwide) seem
to think they are superior to fans who spend their weekends travelling up and down the
country to watch their local team. 'Oh, are you in the third division? We are in the
Premiership!' We are not superior because we support the team we were brought up with, in
many cases it wasn't a choice. Anything else would be unthinkable. Don't get me wrong, I
supported Liverpool as a kid in the early seventies, but eventually you realise you only
do it because the other kids can't have a go at you if you win everything. You don't pick
your favourite team, you're born with it, but for some it just takes a while to realise
it. That gets away from the point, the Premiership have drawn a very wide dividing line
between themselves and the rest of football and the money involved means it is
self-perpetuating. The Premiership may be the best in the world but it's not doing much
good for English, or even British football. As far as I am concerned, football in the
Premiership may be a friendlier place to go, but it is far more middle class and far more
expensive.
The Champions
League, UEFA Cup and Inter-Toto fiascos
What was wrong with three cups, play home and
away and the winners go through? Cups that qualify you for other cups without actually
winning? (Inter-Toto). Qualifying for cups by losing? (preliminary round of the Champions
League and third place in the preliminary group). The possibility of the final of the UEFA
Cup being between Rangers and Parma who played against each other in the Champions League
preliminary round? Teams that aren't Champions winning the Champions League? When you
consider the number of non-champions in it, this is highly likely, e.g. Man United last
year. All I can say is, 'May the team with the biggest squad win!' But don't expect me to
watch!
The 'Used to
a good team' tag
If I've heard it once I've heard it a hundred
times. Nice though it may be, as it shows some knowledge of football, it doesn't help us
now. I hope we do get rid of this tag, because it will mean we are a good team, not just
living on memories.
Tommy
Hutchison
And for the last one, a surprise though it may
be, I nominate Tommy Hutchison. I don't remember many of the one and two game wonders that
played abjectly for the Clarets, but this guy I watched week after week at Turf Moor one
season and could not understand how he got in the team. As an attacker he was the last
player forward and when we needed to defend he was never anywhere to be seen. I don't
doubt that he had ability, he just couldn't run and was way past his best.
Cozzo
September-October 1999
