I don’t
know about you, but I always find watching Burnley on tv an oddly unsatisfying experience.
Try as I might, I’m never able to get caught up in it. I can’t quite believe
what I see is happening in the here and now. I often catch myself thinking that what I
watch is a video of some game that happened earlier. (Could this be caused by the fact
that we tend to repeat our mistakes, I wonder?) It never seems to matter as much as it
does in the flesh. Televised victory doesn’t bring the same elation; defeat seems
more palatable from the comfort of the sofa. Tv football gives you the middle ground.
It’s football with the extremes cut off.
What’s funny about this is there are, of
course, a great number of football ‘supporters’ (perhaps we should call them
‘fans’ and insist on the distinction) for whom this is the only means by which
they ever see their team. Many premier league supporters – the kind that think
themselves superior to us – must think of football as something that happens on tv in
a pub. Support for them must mean standing with your mates drinking beer and shouting at a
screen. I suppose it would seem as odd to them to be confronted by the replay-free reality
of twenty two men running around a patch of grass as it is for us to see our familiar
heroes in close up behind glass.
Perhaps it’s just the unfamiliarity of it
all. If success ever comes we’ll get our chance to see if we could get used to
watching Burnley on tv. There are certainly some advantages. No more early starts and long
journeys. Simply toddle downstairs and locate the remote control. Of course, there is one
major disadvantage in this set-up: you have to subscribe to Sky. I have long sworn to keep
Murdoch out of my house.
Thankfully, Buzzo conquered his qualms and
signed up for a digital diet of round the clock football. It was all round to his place
for the recent ill-starred less-than-Super Sunday. (And what was that I said about no
early starts and long journeys? Walthamstow to Limehouse on a Sunday? You’re avin a
larf, intya?)
A few quick uns in the very pub where the Queen
Mother pulled that pint and glasses of red during the proceedings ensured I couldn’t
give the events my full attention. Again, I couldn’t convince myself I was watching
an actual Burnley game, even when the phone went immediately after the sending off that
should have been and it was Woody on the Longside asking what they were saying on tv.
Ternent later commentated jokingly that he was
beginning to think the Sky cameras were a jinx. Shame he couldn’t blame our lack of a
partner for Payton or the chaos of our misdirected defence, but there you go. This
naturally set me thinking. Particularly now that we are set to star on Sunday again,
versus Barnet, is our record in front of the Murdoch cameras really so bad? Let’s
see.
1994/95 Chester City 1
Burnley 2 (FA Cup Round 2)
It all started reasonably well. At some
unearthly hour on a Sunday (another mark against, of course, the intervention of tv) we
dominated and therefore narrowly beat a poor Chester City. I was at the game, having
cadged a lift up but missed the kick off, the Deva Ground not being designed for getting
into and out of in a hurry. We looked set to take a 1-0 win and enjoyed the banter behind
the goals with their craply moustachioed keeper David Felgate, who kept them in it. Then
they equalised, looked like scoring again and suddenly we wished this potential
humiliation wasn’t on tv. Until then, we’d enjoyed the novelty of trying to run
through our full repertoire of anti-Blackburn songs for the benefit of the viewers. We
should have known that Adrian Heath, always a man to play at his best when his ego had the
benefit of a spotlight, would save us, and he duly obliged with a splendidly curled goal.
Having subsequently watched the video, the only other thing I can recall is Adrian
Randall’s ‘interview’ on receiving the Sky man of the match award, which
was of course dominated by Adrian Heath talking about his goal. Randall’s
contribution on being presented with a bottle of something was along the lines of, in
full: "cheers mate, thanks a lot, nice one."
1996/97 Burnley 3 Bury 1
(League)
This was beginning to look suspiciously easy.
This time we convened in an East London pub and lapped up this classy fare. Heath could
once again be relied on to enhance his reputation when people were watching. We took real
false hope from this demolition of a promotion-bound Bury side. Perhaps this is what
Ternent, then Bury manager, has in mind when he speaks of a Sky curse? A splendid night
was had, although Woody always refused to take man of the match votes from those who
watched the game on tv. This category included Smiffy, a cockney urchin who supports Spurs
but prefers drinking with us. He travelled all the way up to Burnley on a Friday
night… then watched the game from the bar of the Sparrowhawk.
1997/98 Burnley 0
Rotherham 3 (FA Cup Round 1 Replay)
Just in case we were in danger of getting any
ideas about appearing on tv being lucky for us or something, we were brought crashing back
down to earth on a Tuesday night. This was a ‘bonus’ game, with our FA Cup
replay being deemed worthy for selection because there wasn’t much other footy on
that (the clincher would naturally have been the glamorous presence of chris waddle). How
we wished they hadn’t bothered. The viewing figures would have been mercifully low,
but this still enabled armchair work acquaintances to pick up on a humiliation which they
otherwise might have missed. I saw nothing of the game, opting to go to an evening class
instead. Wise choice.
1997/98 Fulham 1 Burnley
0 (League)
chris waddle versus Kevin Keegan. Who could
resist? I wish someone had. This Christmas match was moved to Friday night so this clash
of the alleged titans could be served up for the nation’s delectation. I could only
hope the nation were otherwise occupied with office parties. I pulled off the impressive
trick of leaving work at one but still missing the kick off. I didn’t miss anything.
A rotten game was won by their late goal. Presume anyone watching had nodded off by then,
along with the Burnley defence.
1998/99 Burnley 0
Preston 1 (League)
Ironically, if Rotherham raised their game in
that match against us, the effect probably worked in our favour here. Sky must have been
salivating at a probable goal-fest, this game following the collective eleven goal glut
that Gillingham and Man City had enjoyed at our expense. We must have been even more
determined to avoid another collapse when people were watching. Of course, we still went
down to a narrow and unfortunate defeat, but thereafter we did not lose again and the rot
had been stopped. We still managed to secure embarrassment from a different source: this
game marked the debut of those damned dogs. I didn’t see it myself; a Sunday
lunchtime tour of East London pubs revealed none with the slightest interest in showing
this northern clash, and I returned home in a rage to catch Radio Five’s half time
incredulity at the mutt show, then spent the second half providing details over the
internet to Clarets around the world.
1999/00 Burnley 1
Scunthorpe 2 (League)
And right up to date. We were ready for a big
win, we looked good, we looked complacent, we got beat. Any pubs that bothered to show it
switched over at half time to show the build up to an England friendly. I know Sky are
contractually obliged to show some lower division games, but which genius of the ratings
war plucked this one from the fixture list?
So, although we’re a superstitious lot, it’s hard to find a pattern in
these games. It seems we had some good times under Mullen and Heath, waddle’s lot
looked useless both at home and away and Ternent, while not doing badly, hasn’t
shone. In other words, these televised games seem to have fairly represented their time.
If we lose against Barnet, however, we may yet find ourselves starting to believe in that
jinx.
Apologies for any omissions. I know Granada
showed us live twice during our flying visit to the first division in 1994-95, capturing a
splendid 4-2 win over Sheffield Utd and a crap 3-0 defeat at the hands of
Bryan-Robson’s-Middlesborough. Sadly, and indiscriminately, I still have the tapes of
both. London viewers will not have seen these games however, as they were only broadcast
in some regions.
I’m sure someone out there has memories of
seeing Burnley on tv in earlier times, and I invite them to contribute their
recollections. For now, I’m off to ask Woody whether, if someone watches the whole
match from the tv sets underneath the Longside, they’re entitled to a man of the
match vote.
Firmo
September-October 1999
Up to date with
Barnet away
