Barry Kilby and the Coat of Destiny
What follows is the story of why, at
Bolton on the opening day of the season, I'll be wearing Burnley FC Chairman Barry Kilby's
llama hair coat.
It all started right at the end of last year. If
you were at the Oxford home match, there are many things you may remember. You might
recall Andy Paytons hat trick, or the way we won the game at the last gasp, despite
going twice behind. You may recollect the wonderfully sentimental moment when Jimmy
McIlroy had his stand dedicated to him and took the pitch with much of the 1960
championship winning team, or the presentations to the wives of two other Burnley legends,
Bob Lord and Harry Potts. Naturally, all those stick in the mind, but for me, it was
something else from that match which was to have personal significance. The ceremonies
were presided over by Barry Kilby and Vice Chairman Ray Ingleby, and Barry took the pitch
wearing what I considered to be an extremely objectionable item of outerwear. In the
London Clarets match report for that game, I wrote:
"The only thing I could find to criticise
is Barry Kilby's appalling shaggy brown coat which he wore on the pitch. Perhaps it was a
Christmas present and he felt obliged to wear it."
Id met Barry a couple of times and knew
that, being a modern and with it kind of Chairman, he always read our reports on the
internet, so I felt confident hed take it in the spirit intended. The last time
wed met, shortly before the Derby game, hed blasted me for advocating a
defensive approach in that match after spending months saying we should attack more. But
it was no sooner written than forgotten. Theres always the next report to write.
Cut to February, and a
Friday night in Londons busy West End. The occasion was a posh dinner for the
members of the various London-based clubs of supporters of non-London teams. You
wouldnt believe how many there are down here. As ever, there was a substantial
London Clarets contingent giving the event our support. Joining us for the evening as our
guests of honour were Barry Kilby and his wife Sonia. Id not met Sonia before. Her
first words to me were:
"Ive got a bone to pick with
you."
I floundered. It turned out Mrs Kilby was less
than happy with the above description of her husbands coat. My first thought was,
what coat? She filled me in. This throwaway remark had apparently cut our leader to the
quick. "Hes not worn it since," Sonia went on. Barry looked genuinely
hurt. It transpired that, far from being an unwanted gift, this coat was a highly prized
item in the Kilby household, having cost an astronomical sum, and being made of llama
hair. And not just any old llamas, but genuine 100% Peruvian llamas. Not adult llamas
either; for this coat, only the purest, softest, finest baby llama hair was good enough. A
hefty garment as I remembered, I could only imagine how many baby llamas had gone into the
making of it. Now this coat was lying unloved and neglected at the bottom of the Kilby
wardrobe, not having seen the light of day for months, however cold the weather got and
however hard the wind blew. I duly and profoundly apologised.
Team photo from the
night with Barry Kilby rear left, Sonia Kilby front second from left and Peter Pike MP
rear right.
I dont quite recall how we got from this stage to the
next, but somewhere along the way as the beer gave way to wine and the great coat debate
rumbled on, a deal was struck. In the event of our promotion, I was challenged to wear the
coat for the first game back in the first division. I readily assented. Barry reminded the
gathering that this was always one of the hottest days of the year, and hoped for a long
and very sticky journey.
Of course, from that moment the season had its
ups and downs. Three times, after defeats by Preston, Luton and Gillingham, chances of
automatic promotion were pronounced expired and qualification for the play-offs seemed the
most to which we could aspire. It didnt worry me, though. I never doubted. Whether
we did it automatically or the hard way, we now simply had to go up. It was my destiny to
wear that coat.
As we all know, so it proved. On the way back
from that joyous day in Scunthorpe, and considerably assisted by drink, we spoke to Barry
on the phone. Naturally, my main concern was the state of the coat. I advised that he may
wish to take it to be cleaned. Barry replied that the coat was "in pristine
condition." "Were really going to have to do this now, arent
we?" he said.
Barry comes down to London a lot on business,
which is fortunate for us, as it means hes sometimes able to come to our get
togethers. Once again, along with Burnley MP Peter Pike, he attended our AGM, held in
London in July. Barrys views on the season of triumph just gone and the clubs
plans to ensure our progress is maintained in the future were typically interesting. As he
finished, without warning, he reached down under the table and produced a bag, from which
emerged the coat. Hes a man of his word. It was handed over. I had the coat.
Barry Kilby (left)
hands over the coat. Peter Pike MP (right) joins in on the fun.
Its a big coat too. Barrys a bit taller than me,
so the coat is a rather all-embracing affair. It comes right down to my feet. When wearing
it, theres not much of me that isnt coat. Its very brown and very soft.
People couldnt resist the urge to stroke it, and of course I didnt try to stop
them. Oh, and yes it is very, very hot. The AGM was held on a warmish day, and I was
fairly sweltering inside there. The opening day of the season is, of course, classically
hot and sunny. Yet while all around me will be dressed suitably in t-shirts and jeans, I
will be adorned for the occasion in attire fitting for our return to a reasonable level of
football. I have purchased a ticket in the top tier at extra expense, naturally, as I feel
it is the least the coat deserves. I feel it may be wise to carry some supplies of
non-alcoholic fluids, mind. Failing that, it is my aim to last a good way into the second
half before fainting from heat exhaustion and being carried out on a stretcher.
As I write this the coat hangs on the door of
the wardrobe in the spare room, almost within touching distance of this computer. Not for
much longer. Its time is near. See you at Bolton, and be sure to look out for the Coat of
Destiny!
Firmo
August 2000
Llama links - The Day of the Llama at Bolton, August 2000 - page
1, page 2, page 3 and page 4
Coat photos from the AGM page 1, page 2, page 3, page
4 and page 5
The report from our night out with Barry and Sonia and photos from that night
The Oxford match report that started it all