Room 101 - Clarets Nightmares
Some personal Betes Noire by Hego
The
Jade and Black
For those too young to remember, the dreaded
jade and black halved shirts were the away kit for the 1993/94 season. This was marketed
by the then Claret management as a reproduction of Burnley colours from the Victorian era.
Ray Simpson may put me right on this, and I am all for Claret tradition, but I believe
this to be bullshit of the highest order. Green and white, amber and black and also the
very vilest of a colour combination, blue and white, all worn by Burnley, apparently, but
alas no jade and black.
So what you may say. Pretty colours even. Maybe,
but let us look at one or two interesting points arising. Firstly, despite being promoted
at the end of that season, I don’t believe we actually won a serious away game
wearing this particular ensemble. Secondly, THEY wear halved shirts, albeit blue and
white. Thirdly, even the Claret faithful began to believe in the jade and black curse by
mid season, to the extent that there would be an audible groan around the ground whenever
the lads ran out in said colours. Fourthly, tradition. Bit difficult relating to the
Clarets in jade and black.
Four reasonable reasons, which is more than Paul
Merton usually needs. If there are any of these shirts left in existence (saw one after
the Bournemouth home game), burn immediately and retire the ashes to the dreaded room to
kill the curse for ever.
Glen Roeder
The very same individual who said that Glen
Little was not fit to lace up Chris Waddle’s boots. This by way of motivating the
most talented player in a team of which he was reputedly the assistant manager: the
rantings of a pebble dashed mind. A man brought in for his outstanding managerial
experience (Watford!) and defensive wisdom (England assistant coach!) following a highly
successful playing career (QPR, Newcastle). Unlucky not to play for England according to
the Waddler, despite having absolutely no pace whatsoever. When Captain at Newcastle,
ordered the team to walk onto the pitch at the start of the game instead of a gentle jog,
in order that the last man didn’t overtake him.
During the Waddler reign, a senior Claret
forward who shall remain nameless, when remarking on the deep feeling of despair in the
dressing room even in early season, laid the blame fully at this man’s arrogant feet.
During most of the season, couldn’t be bothered to get up off the bench to advise,
cajole or even enthuse the confused team. Waddler is of course fully responsible for the
vileness created by his regime, but this man contributed in no small measure to the
problems, and must pay the price. Away with him.
B*****d
Rovers
Easy one this. Any self respecting Claret who
doesn’t agree to the consignment of the whole of this fly by night institution,
players and managers past and present, Deadwood Park, supporters (sic) and sugar daddy to
the black hole that is Room 101, needs a rapid transfusion of Claret blood and a good kick
in the gonads. Not quite sure when I began to detest this whole nightmare which makes
occasional unwelcome intrusions into my Claret tinted life. Believe the vileness entered
my conscious somewhere between the sixth and ninth month of my mothers' pregnancy. But why
this odium?. Illogical, over the top, surely there is something good about this entity?.
No. I shall brook no argument: the world would be a better place without them.
Burnley 0
Hereford United 6, January 24th 1987
Not quite sure why I went to this match, must
have been injured or without a game, and felt guilty for not having given the lads much
support over the season. Less than 2,000 at the game to see the team in the middle of a
run of one win in fifteen games, which would have been a good home crowd for our
opponents, who these days are back in the Conference as befits their soccer hotbed status.
Not unsurprisingly a funereal atmosphere as
Murphy, Parker and Woodworth (who?) amongst other lesser lights took the field to
represent the past league champions and FA Cup winners. As the six nails hammered in to
the coffin I could have cried, in fact I probably did. Having seen European Cup football
at this very same ground, I was now watching no better than crap Sunday morning parks
football. It was then I realised how deep a hole we really were in. The rest is history,
with Orient the denouement. The game still haunts me and needs to be exorcised from the
memory banks for ever, so into the room it goes with all its attendant baggage.
Kurt Nogan
Would have quite liked to finish with John Bond,
but chose Roeder instead. So need a player to complete the scenario. Paul
Stewart comes swiftly to mind, but to be frank didn’t see much of his play. Did
he play at all you may well ask? Tony Hancock, who made 13 appearances in season 1989/90
without scoring, and who gets my vote as the least talented full time professional soccer
player I have ever seen, against some competition? No, it must be Nogan.
From the moment we paid £300,000 for him from
Brighton, I really thought we had something special. Scored at a rate of a goal every
other game, but never really managed to be popular with the Clarets fans. Left for Preston
with Eyres and Parkinson, and has scored against us regularly since, inevitably. If this
man had a single brain cell, and could keep off the loopy juice, I still believe he could
have been very special. So why the Room, apart from the fact that nobody likes him that he
always scores against us and we didn’t get anything like the fee we paid for him
back?. Simply personal. Along with most football supporters, if I had a tenth of his
scoring talent, my life would have been complete. He has wasted a god given talent, and
let down the Clarets badly in to the bargain. Bye, bye Nogan.
Hego
September 1999
Links -
Kurt Nogan and Paul Stewart both have a
place in the Hall of Infamy
Other Room 101 entries
